Southward Home?!

Somehow, more than six years has zoomed by since I began this blog. I haven't even written for more than two years!  (In fact, I think it has been more than three years!)  Where did the time go?  What happened?

Since I last wrote, I gave up a job that I loved in the hopes that a new offer was going to lead to a place I never found.  That has left me spinning and searching.  So much so that I am about to embark on a whole new adventure.  Here I am, Mamma of Three, heading back to school.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I'm going to be a student come September.

With all that has been going on and shifting over the last few months to years, I feel it is fitting to begin a new blog that tracks that adventure.

When I began Southward Bound, it was because we were coming--sniff--to the end of our glorious life as Northerners.  We'd made the decision to leave with very mixed emotions and with no idea how long it would take to find we lived in our home Down South and not just in a house.  From my own experience and what I've heard friends say, I think it's fair to say Southerners who have lived in the North, loved it, and then returned to the South, find the latter adjustment far more baffling.  Too often the assumption by non-South-to-North-to-Southerners is that life is so hard up North, that you're always wanting and missing mainstream living, that you were dying to get back.

It just ain't so.

Yep, living in the North presents its challenges.  But here's a news flash:  Living anywhere has its Challenges!  It's true!!

So, we have trodden along.  There have been amazing things about our new life down here.  At the same time, there have been disappointments and struggles.  The biggest loss was that of proximity.  When we were home up North, everything was close--and not just in physical proximity.  The friendships we formed up North will live in our hearts for forever.

My students will always be there, too.  I know I was a bit different from any other teacher they had ever encountered.  I know, too, that I was in no way a perfect teacher.  My intention was to show my students respect.  I wanted my classroom to be a place where students felt engaged in their learning.  Recently, I met up with two former students, Malaya and Courtney.  They had a good laugh letting me know that they loved sidetracking me and getting me to tell stories instead of teaching English.  (I took comfort listening to Frank McCourt's recording of "Teacher Man".  Apparently his students did the same thing!)

Yes, I experienced losses when I was up North.  George, John, Lindsay, Jessica, Kevin, Jimmy, Daniel, Jennifer...this list is not complete.  This list is too long.

Of the things to celebrate, I believe the landscape is at the top of my list.  Words escape me.  Photos, too, do not completely grasp the immensity and absolute beauty of Northern landscape.  This is something one must breathe in.  I am so thankful for friends on Facebook who post their photos and briefly carry me back to a place that holds some of my roots.

Perhaps I'm jumping a bit.

I am still in a state of disbelief that six years could have passed so quickly and been so full.  We are here now.  And, bit by bit, we have made this place our home.  I say bit by bit because building a home takes time.  It is more than the house in which we live.  It is bumping into a friend--at the grocery store, the park, at a hockey game, at yoga--and enjoying a chat.  It is not needing to make a long distance call when you want to tell one of your friends a piece of news.  (Yes, we still make our long distance calls to very important folks!  These friends and family are now complemented with the friendships of here--enlarging our picture.)  It's when your kids stop asking to move back up North.  (This went on for years for my oldest.  In fact, I think he would still move back.)  It's making plans to renovate our house--the three-bedroom one we bought before our going away gift--Child Number Three--was revealed.  Popping in on my folks, who live down the road.  Going to Christine's for breakfast and recognizing half the faces of the other customers at the local eatery.  It's seeing my kids' growing old enough to plaster their bedroom walls with posters of what they embrace and find trendy. Yep, we've arrived.  We've grown into our space.  We're home...down South.

I'm not sure if I'll still post here.  I can tell you the name of the new blog.  It aptly describes what I believe has been unfolding quietly and is about to become more obvious as I return to school and head in a new direction.  Eh voila!  The new blog is to be called:  Metamorphosis of a Midlife Mamma. 

Perhaps the following quote complements:

Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis.

~ Martha Beck

http://www.cafe-philosophy.com/?q=quotes/Metamorphosis

Au revoir

I took this picture at a Quilt & Textile Show at a local museum. I'm afraid I do not have the artist's name.

4 Weeks Later

...

and so, we are still sitting on the fence...to vaccinate or not to vaccinate.  I find this to be such a hard decision.  I know that if my kids were to get sick, and I had not had them vaccinated, I would feel horrible.  At the same time, despite hearing that testing of the vaccine has been adequate, the cynical side of me, perhaps, wonders if this true.  

I feel, without any specific piece of evidence, that our society is too willing to pump our bodies with...in a word...crap.  Over the last couple of years, I have developed some sort of allergy.  If I eat some processed foods, the inside of my mouth, lips, and tongue swell up.  After such a reaction, my mouth is hyper sensitive and can react to weird stuff, like toothpaste!  It can take a week or more for the after affects to wear off.  It is bizarre.  What is frightening, is that it is not to food.  It is to something chemical and unidentified in food.  How crazy is that?  The worst reactions have been to cookies, sweets, hot chocolate, and Ice Caps from Tim Horton's, the Chipolte (sp) sauce at Subway, Oreo cookies, and something in a wonderfully-tasting-but-obviously-very-bad for-me pasta dish in Boston. 

And so...back to my paranoia about this H1N1 vaccine...there are things in it that I do not know how to pronounce.  They have had people have anaphylactic reactions to one batch - at a rate of 5 x higher than what they expected.  Hmmm...not so comforting.  

I know I have been around people who have had it.  In actual fact, we may even have had it in our house.  I did not wind up taking the kids trick-or-treating, finally, not because of my fear of H1N1, but because 1/2 the household was sick with...something.

On the flip side, if we haven't had it and built up an immunity...Christmas is coming.  With that comes the socializing and likelihood of being in larger gatherings.  I was thinking about taking my kids to an indoor play gym, today, but thought it best not.  What better breading ground for a virus?!

All this to say...ACH!  I can understand why someone would choose to vaccinate.  I can equally understand why one would choose not to.  

So, in a state of indecision, I will sign off for now.

Take care, really!!  Wishes for health, happiness, and success....

H1N1 & Cancer

What a dreadful heading...but these things are on my mind. A co-worker is on her way to the memorial service for a little girl who died of H1N1. Yesterday, I learned of a young friend who is dying of cancer. I think this is the fourth person I have heard of who is suffering from cancer in as many months. What is going on?

About H1N1...Brent and I are trying to decide if we should get the vaccine, and if our kids should have it. Interestingly, many students, at the college I teach at, are against the vaccine...even those with children. Initially, I thought I would not get it. Now, I think I will. Still, I don't know if it is the right thing to do.

And then there's Hallowe'en. Do I really want my children trick-or-treating if people are going to handle these candies - that I don't really want the kids eating, anyway. Who knows if the people have hands free of these H1N1 germs. Paranoid? Maybe. At the same time, all three of my kids have had severe viruses before. Two of them were hospitalized for a week each. It is a terrible thing to go through. Luckily, they came out of the experiences okay.

We are lucky that our kids' school seems not to have been hit, so far. I sent them off to school with hand sanitizer, today. How did I become this person!??

Wishing you and yours wellness, health, and happiness.

Take care, Gabrielle

Struck by the Scene

Over a year ago, I spent an entire day trying to get myself and my kids ready to go on a weekend adventure. By the time I packed everyone into the car, I was cranky and tired. Never mind hot and sweaty. I had planned on leaving the house by mid-day but could not seem to get our stuff packed and the kids out the door. I think it was 6:00 pm when we finally got on the road.

Needless to say, I just wanted to Get There...to our destination. I was no longer excited by the prospect of seeing old friends. I had forgotten the reason I was trying to get us all in the vehicle. All I knew was that it hadn't happened within the time frame I had set for myself. I was not a happy camper!

Who knows what kind of misadventure might have occurred had I made it out of the house six hours earlier. One thing is certain, I would not have taken this shot of the thundercloud over the graveyard had I somehow been able to swing it.

Driving down the road and seeing this scene, I couldn't help myself. I pulled over and grabbed the shot. Suddenly, my grumbly mood was lifted, replaced by the wonder of what surrounded me.

~

We hear about missing out on the journey while intent on making the destination. How often, though, do we remember to follow the advice to slow down and enjoy the ride?

~

This past weekend was Thanksgiving. Truly, I am a fortunate person. No, things are not perfect in my life. But I am blessed. I am blessed with family and friends. I have my health. I have an education. I live in Canada. There is so much I could go on about. I would welcome things like more money and a new wardrobe. Sure, you could throw in a bigger house. But not at the expense of what I do have.

~

And so?

~

In our house, before eating, everyone at the table says something she or he is thankful for. Sometimes my kids are so full of gratitude they actually have to be cut off so we can eat!! That is how fortunate I am!

~

On the return trip from the weekend adventure, the one to which I was driving when I took the photo above... On my return, at 4:00 in the afternoon, I was driving through Ottawa, down King Edward. As I passed Bruyere Street, I looked down the street, in the direction of The Elizabeth Bruyere Hospital. I thought of Liz Courtney and her family. If you know Ottawa, you probably know that Elizabeth Bruyere provides palliative care. Liz was receiving this type of care there.

~

It may have been that night or the next day that I received the message...Liz, surrounded by her family and close friends, had died, at 4:00, that very day in August that I was driving by Bruyere Street.

~

And so? I try to remember that I am blessed beyond the capacity of being able to count all my blessings! I try to remember that the journey is as (or more) important as the destination. And so, I try to remember to stop and look around me and to take in the scene.

~

It is the day after Thanksgiving. I hope that you are so blessed that we would have to cut you off in order to be able to eat! I hope that you have been struck by the wonder, the spectacle, the beauty of that which surrounds you.

~

Happy Thanksgiving!

Still Here

...and so...we are still here...Southerners.

This week, I came face to face with that decision I had to make. While quite some time had passed since I had had my supposed moment of clarity, when I got a phone call on Monday morning with an actual job offer, that clarity vanished and I had to search for it all over again.

What kind of mumbo jumbo am I schpealing here?

Well, we actually had the opportunity to be Northward Bound, once again. I am still in a state of disbelief...that I actually turned down a job that could have been incredibly challenging and fulfilling...and have led to new paths in my career. What was I thinking? But somehow, after feeling it was "oh so right" - it actually became - "oh so not right now".

Flung back into the face of making the decision, I tell you, I had a hard time. I could envision all of us up in Iqaluit. Imagine, everything close at hand once again? Ahhh, walks on the tundra. Sea ice...ragged and crushing but awesome. Northern Lights dancing. Smiling faces at NorthMart and Ventures. Comfort. Familiarity. Community.

So...why not then? Why not go back?

It all sounds so wonderful. Why not return?

Brent left me to make my decision on my own. I am thankful for that. As a result, I have ownership over the decision. I claim it as my own.

On Thursday morning, I said, "I can't believe I am going to turn down this job." He said I had better be sure. Then he asked, "Why?" I said it was not something logcial. Not the financials. Not anything tangible. It was merely a feeling. How stupid is that? I know I could do the job. I think I could bring a lot to the place. The job would have had an impact on my career path that I felt was beneficial. So where did this feeling come from? Why go with it?

And I want to know...how did that feeling shift so quickly, so suddenly...in the middle of the night? How did that happen? And why, then, when the woman called to actually offer the job did I get excited about it? Why did I start asking all the questions - where would our housing be? I had already phoned and placed my youngest person on the daycare waiting list.

In my letter and phone call, I suggested that I would be interested in short term contracts...should the opportunity arise. But for some reason...returning North...to its wonders and good people...somehow that is not meant to take place right now.

Despite the certainty in the feeling, as I spoke to the woman in Human Resources and after I got off the phone...I nearly threw up.

Here I am...still Southward Bound...not fully there...3 1/2 years later.

Julie & Julia

So, I got to see the movie about Julie (a 30 yr old woman embarking on cooking over 500 of Julia Childs' recipes and blogging about them) and Julia Childs (as she looks to find her place and embarks on writing her cookbook - French cuisine for Americans). Loved the movie. It also has me thinking...I can write! I can!! I can blog, too. Look at me now. I am thinking, I listen to CBC all the time. Perhaps I will start a blog, like Julie, that lasts for 365 days, that records my reactions and responses to things I have heard on CBC Radio 1. Just an idea. I'll let you know.

In the writing realm, something exciting has occured. While I am not a published writer, per se, I am now a published editor! La!! I'm pretty proud. I very much enjoyed the book. It is called: ME FIRST: If I Should Wake Before I Die, written by Betty Healey. Ultimately, Betty is challenging her reader to discover what her/his ultimate goals, dreams, and hopes are and follow them to fruitiong. She wants readers to stop and breathe. Take time to consider the reader's own needs and place.

As a Mom raising her kids while their Dad is away at least 50% of the time, I found the challenge sometimes hard to wrap my head around. What a concept! Stopping and considering what I need!! I am so often busy finding out about things for my kids or taking my kids to their activities that I forget to consider what this gal needs to thrive and grow.

I have taken a small step toward improving this situation. About three weeks ago, I began getting up and doing yoga - be it for 10 minutes, 20, or 30 - usually between 10 and 20. It is not a lot but I am working toward doing this every day. Offering myself 10 minutes or more just to ME!

In addition to reading and editing ME FIRST, I have also read "Eat, Pray, Love" for the second time. This book resonates with me! I am not in my 30s. I am not single. I am a Mom. Yet the search for balance that Liz undertakes...resonates! If I had the time, I too would seek balance!! Ha ha!

Balance...yes...what a concept. That and a sense of knowing and direction. Since leaving the North, I do not feel I have truly found my place. Not knowing one's place makes it difficult to find balance, I think. Perhaps the search for place runs alongside that journey toward balance.

About a month ago, I was in a place where it looked like I would have to make an important decision. For the first time, I actually had a moment of absolute clarity. I've heard of these moments...but do not recall ever having experienced one. I woke up in the middle of the night and knew, with absolute certainty, what I must do. Not trusting this overwhelming instict, I said to myself - "Okay, but I want signs." Interestingly and crazily enough...they came. They really did. The very next morning one came. A day or two later...another came. And then another and another. It was wild. I must seem rather vague as I am not telling you what decision had to be made. I may be able to do so later. Really, it is not all that mysterious...but I don't think this is the time or forum to discuss it.

So, I search for place and balance. I consider blogging about my responses to my beloved (yes, it is to me - this is something I have grown up with and cannot imagine my life without!) CBC. I am seeking and finding signs after a moment (the first, I think) of absolute clarity! And yes, I am a published editor! As well, I did not mention, a College Professor, don't you know! All of this...and a Mom, too! Ahhh, life is good. Truly an adventure!

Be well! It is a GLORIOUS day here! The view from here is spectacular. Yours too, I hope!

A Lot Can Happen In A Year!

I can't believe it has been a year since my last post. At some point, Blogger or Blogspot or Google...or whoever holds the power...changed how I had to sign in. When that happened, I kept forgetting my password. Then of course, there's the fact that I'm on dial-up. Imagine?!! In this day and age. As well, I've become a Facebook user. Add to that, I am a Mom who is often on her own. Life just gets busy and there are so many distractions.

I was at a Women Entrepreneurs meeting recently. The subject of that night's presentation was using the Internet in one's business. The speaker felt blogging is a useful tool. It made me think and long for this blog. So, I finally got back to it!

I do hope that "slow and steady wins the race" or some variation of that is true!! Not that I feel I'm in a race. Not that I'm working steadily. But...I am at the beginning stages of running PEARL Literacy. What might that be?

PEARL stands for Producing Empowering Accounts of Real Life.

Really, what goes into PEARL Literacy is a total of so many of my experiences. I have taught, enjoyed writing newsy e-mails, developed writing skills as a student, edited former students' college & university academic papers, had my former-English-teacher-mom guide (even when I resented it) me in my usage of the English language, and oh so much more.

Initially, I wanted to develop a writing workshop for at-risk youth. When I was teaching high school, I had the priviledge of working with some young folks who were vulnerable in the school setting. It may have been because of their abilities surrounding English language knowledge and use. It could have been because they had a life, outside of school, that caused them some grief. In tuning in to my kids, as I wrote a paper called "Girl Talk" for my masters, I really saw that my students - no matter their level or ability in English - would write things from the heart when an invitation was extended and a safe space was provided. Perhaps what they wrote was not as stylish as William Shakespeare or George Eliot...but, I would argue, there was power in the students' stories.

One of my students wrote a piece on how her mother was both a mother and a father to her. The mom cried when she read it. Then she proudly showed it to all of her friends. The girl and her mom had a difficult relationship. In writing her story, the girl was able to express her mother's value in a way she could not any other way. There is so much more to the background of this story...but that is not mine to tell.

All this to say, I have come to believe that writing empowers. It gives a voice to one who may otherwise not speak.

At the same time, I came to realize...if I tell folks who are deemed "at-risk"...kids who are having trouble with writing and who resent it...hey, I want to do a writing workshop with you...that may not fly. So, the foundation of PEARL Literacy evolved. I realized that it was not enough to talk about writing. Thanks to the prolific growth in technology, we can now record our stories in so many ways. Look at this blog!

My Dad was a radio announcer, back in the day (about 30+ years ago). I used to love going into "his" small radio and television station. The controls, the microphone, the walls of records (long before the CD, nevermind DVD and iPods!), the tv monitors. It seemed so huge. So promising. So alive! Back in the 70's, I could never have imagined that anyone could make their own radio show (or podcast) or movie (or YouTube video). Who would have thunk it? You should have seen the size of the reels. Now look at an iPod or MP3 player!!! CRAZY small!!

In my last year teaching in Iqaluit, my English class and I worked together to create A-Counts. It was a play on the word "accounts" and the fact that they were in the "A" group. That year, our students were divided into groups A, B, & C. A-Counts was a collection of stories written by the students in my class - from the A group.

The book's title stuck in my head, as I was turning over ideas for a company name. Accounts. Really, this encompasses so much. I was not planning on offering creative writing or storytelling courses specifically. What I have come to believe, through my teaching, studying, and life experiences, is that each and everyone of us has a story to tell. I have also come to appreciate that people will want to express their stories in different ways. My primary medium is writing...and photography. After attending the 2008 Building Learning Communities Conference or BLC08, my budding understanding that many other tools exist that effectively capture people's accounts was confirmed. I walked away from that conference knowing that I was on the right track.

PEARL - Producing Empowering Accounts of Real Life. People all over the world are producing accounts of their lives. My belief is that when an author of a story controls the telling of her/his story and how the story is shared, that is empowering. When I left the North, I knew I wanted to continue working with people in such a way that I could act as guide or facilitator for folks in the development and/or production and sharing of their stories.

Here we are.

The ideas are in place. I have the foundation. So far, I have started the company. I have yet to offer a workshop. Unexpected opportunities arose. I wound up doing some writing for one company. As well, I just finished editing a book. In addition to these contracts, I began teaching a college Communications course. I still have lots of other ideas for PEARL Literacy.

One step at a time.

I may not be where I thought I would be two or five or ten years ago. However, one thing I have learned is that everything counts! Seventeen years ago, I worked as an office administrator for a restaurants and catering department. It turns out, I was working down the road from a hotel, one of our competitors, where my first client started her career. Both of us have moved on from those jobs. With her husband, Doreen Ashton Wagner established Greenfield Services over ten years ago. Among their services they support customers in the hospitality and meetings industry. While I never became a professional in meeting and convention planning (sometimes I wonder why not...I think it would have been great work), my exposure to that field seventeen years ago provided me with a knowledge base that, I believe, made it easier for me to understand what was required of me in writing for this client.

As a high school teacher, college prof, student, person who enjoys reading and writing, I have developed skills that were valuable to my second client, the author. Beyond enjoying the challenge of editing her book, I found the topic to be engaging for where I am now. This is Betty Healey's third book. It is called ME FIRST: If I Should Wake Before I Die. The title pretty much sums up the subject matter. Ultimately, she's challenging readers to get off the treadmill (going nowhere) and to start living fully (going everwhere you want to, follow your dreams, be who you want to be).

Editing ME FIRST challenged me to think about the busyness of my own life. It also got me thinking about where I am heading. I haven't found all the answers, but it was good to be provoked to think!

Alas, I have written enough for now. I just wanted to take the speaker's advice and get back to my blog. Thank you for providing me with an audience to share some of my ideas with!!

I plan to be back soon!

Gabrielle